One of the greatest pieces of advice I ever received was: “When a child flips their lid (has a tantrum), they lose all control. It's like being
caught in a rip at the beach. It's our job to hold the calm, and provide them with that life raft to bring them back to a point of rational
thinking".

Challenging behaviours in children, such as tantrums, defiance, or aggression, can leave parents and educators feeling overwhelmed and
unsure of how to respond. However, understanding the underlying reasons for these behaviours and adopting supportive strategies can
turn these moments into opportunities for growth and connection. Together, we will explore the science behind challenging behaviours
and I'll provide you with some practical tips for addressing them with compassion and effectiveness.

Challenging behaviours are often a child’s way of communicating unmet needs or feelings they cannot yet express verbally. Common triggers include:
- Developmental Factors: Young children are still learning to regulate
  their emotions and behaviours. Their brains are in the process of
  developing skills such as impulse control, emotional regulation, and
  problem-solving.
- Unmet Needs: Hunger, tiredness, overstimulation, or lack of
  connection can lead to challenging behaviours. These physical and
  emotional needs are critical for a child’s well-being.
- Stress or Anxiety: Changes in routine, conflicts at home, or unfamiliar
  environments can trigger stress that manifests as disruptive
  behaviours.
- Lack of Skills: A child may not yet have the language, social, or
  problem-solving skills to handle a situation appropriately.
- Seeking Connection: Sometimes, challenging behaviours are a way
  for children to seek connection or reassurance from adults.
The brain plays a significant role in how children react to stress or frustration. The part of the brain responsible for reasoning and self-control (the prefrontal cortex) is not fully developed in young children. Instead, they rely on the more reactive limbic system, which controls emotions. This means that in moments of heightened emotion, children often "act out" because they cannot yet manage their feelings in a calm or logical way.
1. Stay Calm and Regulate Yourself: Children often mirror the
  emotions of adults around them. By staying calm, you model
  emotional regulation and provide a sense of safety.
2. Identify the Root Cause: Instead of focusing solely on the
  behaviour, ask yourself: What might this child be trying to
  communicate? Are they hungry, tired, or feeling overwhelmed?
3. Validate Their Feelings: Use empathetic language to
  acknowledge the child’s emotions. For example: “I see you’re
  upset because your block tower fell. That can be really
  frustrating.”
4. Set Clear and Consistent Boundaries: Children feel secure when
  they know what to expect. Communicate clear expectations
  and follow through consistently, using a calm and firm tone.
5. Teach Emotional Regulation Skills: Help children name their
  emotions and offer tools to manage them. For instance, deep
  breathing, sensory activities, or quiet corners can help them
  calm down.
6. Provide Choices: Offering simple choices, such as “Would you
  like to put your toys away first or your books?”, gives children
  a sense of control and reduces power struggles.
7. Reinforce Positive Behaviours: Catch children being good and
  praise their efforts. Specific feedback, such as “I love how you
  used your words to ask for help,” reinforces desired
  behaviours.
8. Collaborate with the Child: For older children, involve them in
  problem-solving. Ask, “What can we do next time you feel
  angry?” to empower them to develop self-regulation
  strategies.
While most challenging behaviours are part of typical development, some may require additional attention. Consider seeking support if:
- The behaviour is frequent and intense, interfering with the child’s ability to function at home, school, or with peers.
- The child seems overly withdrawn, anxious, or aggressive for an extended period.
- You’re feeling overwhelmed and unsure of how to proceed.
- Educators, paediatricians, or child psychologists can provide guidance and tools to address more persistent challenges.
The foundation of addressing challenging behaviours lies in building strong, trusting relationships with children. When children feel safe, valued, and understood, they are better equipped to manage their emotions and behaviours. Whether you’re a parent or an educator, remember that your calm presence and consistent support are powerful tools in helping children navigate their emotions and grow into resilient, emotionally intelligent individuals

I love to use Maslow’s Hierarchy as a checklist to find the source of why a child my exhibit a tricky behaviour. Children’s behaviours will point to an unmet need.

My Favourite Resources to Support Children's Behaviour

Having a toolbox of resources is a life-saver when it comes to connecting and redirecting children. These are a few of my
favourite resources that I believe every family and classroom should have. Click on the links below for more details

“A game changer for our morning routine and getting the kids off to kindy” Routine checklists are backed by research and allow children to have a visual schedule of what is happening in their day, allowing predictability and consistency.

Sand timers are perfect to give children a visual understanding of how much time they have left before transitioning to something else These sand-timers are budget friendly and their size means they're easy to carry around.

Calm Cards are something I created in 2022 and have changed the game. These provide children with the opportunity of recognising how they feel (using the Zones of Regulation) and then select a strategy to express this emotion in a safe way.